Food Porn

By Vicki Hughes   Posted August 5, 2013

I love Pinterest as much as the next girl. It is my saving grace when I’m too lazy to read, and John has the SyFy Channel on. But I have to tell you, I stay off of the food boards. Hanging out there is just an invitation to a full on food-porn addiction.

I stay safely over on the humor, crafts and photography boards, and even there, I’m not entirely safe from delectable food posts. Yesterday on a humor board, someone posted a picture of a mock up of Outback Steakhouse’s Alice Springs Chicken. It appeared to be four innocent chicken breasts in a Pyrex dish, that had first been trussed in bacon, then held down against their will while four pounds of cheddar cheese was dumped on them, and then broiled. There could be roadkill possum breast under there and you’d eat it. You’d eat it, and you’d like it.

Last week, as John was fiddling with the DVR (presumably to search for more shark movies), my head swiveled up from my book as I heard a food competition contestant say, “I’m making my Maple Bacon Cheesecake.” Really? can we get you a side of queso to dip each bite in? Perhaps a tiny ramekin filled with chocolate sprinkles to really make it sing?

Let me just say, I love food. We cook at least six nights a week, and we eat well. I didn’t join Weight Watchers for nothing. But come on. Unless you want to get winded from brushing your teeth, or have to drive to the mailbox to check your mail, you have to smarten up. Delicious, attractive food does not have to be breast stroking through a channel of melted cheese. Cheesecake does not need additional bacon. Ever.

If a Big Mac and a supersize fries and Coke require seven hours of walking to burn off, imagine the hike to Maine it would take to work off that cheesecake. Considering that most Americans don’t walk seven minutes a day, I think it might be wise to take Maple Bacon Cheesecake off the menu. Unless you’re hiking the Appalachian Trail, in which case, go for it. I’m sure the bears will appreciate the break from Snickers Bars, trail mix and Slim Jims.

Everytime I see an ad for the latest and greatest pizza…”Stuffed crust with fourteen different meats and no pesky vegetables to slow down your heart attack!” all I can think is, “Just what America needs.”

 

5 thoughts on “Food Porn

  1. Sarena

    Food porn you nailed it!! I can’t go on my Facebook, email or anywhere online and then throw in restaurant advertising, recipes hanging here and there at the grocery stores or some bacon wrapped chocolate double dipped candy bar with cream cheese in it, staring me in the face. Late night tv is the worst food food food. Add to that living with 3 adults, who do not wish, want to or aspire to lose any weight and throw in an active 7 year old who loves food of all kinds but never stops moving so burns it off. Ugh it’s enough to make me scream “please have mercy on me!!” Dinners have been things like spaghetti and meat balls, homemade Mac and cheese, butter slathered garlic bread, oh and lest we forget the cartoons of ice cream, falling from the freezer every time you open the door. And a pending request from someone who will remain nameless to another one in our household for one of their delicious banana cakes made with buttermilk, covered with a heavy cream cheese frosting! Lol lol BUT my journey down weight loss road WILL NOT BE DERAILED BY TEMPATION so when you hear I am hiking to Maine. You will all understand I just couldn’t resist that banana cake hahahaha

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  2. Scott Carson Ausburn

    They are going bacon crazy nowadays.They even have Bakon Vodka which might be awesome in a bloody mary.Then there is also bacon popcorn which i dare not buy coz the whole bag will be gone the moment i open it.Bacon helping keep Americans fat for over 200 hundred years ; )

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