By Vicki Hughes Posted March 19, 2013
I’m beginning to think that I should buy toilet paper in extreme bulk, someplace like Sam’s Club, where they only have five or six varieties. Anytime I have to pick up toilet paper, and have the bad luck to find myself in a grocery store, I immediately begin to lose all decision making skills. I become frantic trying to decide which criteria to use to make a wise choice.
Single roll? Double roll? Two-ply is not up for discussion. That one-ply fooled me once, but never again! Jumbo roll? Tyrannosaurus Rex roll? With aloe? Without? What is this, sushi? Brand name with cute bears, or generic store brand, that looks suspiciously identical? On sale? Buy three, get a free roll of paper towels? I just stand there, shifting my weight from foot to foot, like a kid trying to pick a cookie in a bakery.
And don’t even get me started on paper towels! I have a favorite.They’re nearly indestructible, and you could probably make clothes out of them. But they’re pricey, and the rolls are noticeably smaller than their miserly competition. I nearly always put them back and go cheap, only to regret it when my wimpy paper towels just smear stuff around the countertops.
When I do buy a roll of those 1000 thread count paper towels, I’m like a miser. I set them towards the back of the cabinet under the kitchen sink, hoping nobody but me can find them. Using them is almost a holy experience, they’re so absorbant, it’s like watching water turn into wine. A person really could spend a small fortune at the grocery store shopping just for paper and plastic products. Let’s see, I have trash bags, ziplocks, foil, and plastic wrap, and twenty-seven dollars later, I still don’t have eggs or coffee. What the hell?
John despises plastic wrap, regardless of the brand. He does not speak it’s language at all. Anytime he makes an attempt to use it, there will me the muttering of four letter words, guaranteed. I’ve tried, and failed, to demonstrate my fool-proof method for dispensing it. He’s not having any of it. When plastic wrap requires dispensing in our home, it will fall squarely on my shoulders. Since spider executions are his sworn duty, I will carry on with a smile, wrapping sandwiches and leftovers with a good attitude.
I read somewhere that one thing we can all be thankful for is that spiders can’t fly. If you have a hard time thinking of things to be thankful for, you could just start there! I’m sure there is a bug expert out there somewhere who can find us a flying spider, but I personally intend to remain ignorant of any facts proving it.
Ignorance of certain subjects is very important to my sanity and happiness, and one of my most valuable tips for staying positive! I also keep myself deliberately in the dark about dust mites, bedbugs, and the quickie-cleaning methods of hotel maids. Some things you are just better off not knowing. Anytime these subjects come up, some helpful soul usually tries to enlighten me. That’s when I stop them mid-sentence and say, “Oh, I don’t want to know,” which they usually interpret as, “Please, tell me more!” This is when I am forced to poke my fingers in my ears and begin humming God Bless America.
What do you enjoy knowing nothing about?
© Vicki Hughes 2013
Speaking of TP .While at Sam’s i saw this dad show his teenage daughter the case of tp he had loaded onto the flatbed she exclaimed ” o daddy well never use all that”. I thought so what are you going to do instead.Its like one thing that you will need all your life you never outgrow it.Be thankful Elephants can’t fly except for Dumbo of course ; )
I did a manicure for a lady one time who told me her favorite gift to give to people was a giant case of toilet paper! She said she knew it was never a waste of money!!I wouldn’t mind elephants flying, but crashing could be problematic!
It’s a gift everyone can use that’s for sure ; )
Every time i use plastic wrap it reminds me of why i love Press and Seal so much ; )
Maybe John needs press and seal….(thinking)
I prefer to stock up on toilet paper and paper towels and I love the better quality types of both, of course when I bring them home I am met with a disapproving eye which I ignore “come on we are going to use this” and don’t get me started on the personal wipes its my choice not yours is my response to the “do you know how much those costs” lol lol as for plastic wrap etc I prefer plastic containers with lids but then cuss the person (most likely myself) who crammed them Into the cupboard with out the lid on it and when no lids that fit the only bottom I can seem to find. As for learning things like what goes on in hotels I accidentally saw a clip on Dr. Oz and like a train wreck I couldn’t turn away lol.
I do love those plastic containers with lids, but for a different reason. John uses them to take his lunch to work (clearly because he refuses to deal with plastic wrap) THEN, three or four warm days later, he brings the container, which contains three uneaten bites, and sets it in the kitchen sink. I waste no time debating should I or shouldn’t I open it and wash it, or throw it away. Buh-bye!
I usually try to get all my paper goods at Family Dollar/Dollar General. Much more cost effective. I also do the same for baggies, foil, wax paper, dish washing liquid and hand soap.
I do love a good dollar store…I’m just ridiculously willy-nilly about what I buy and where. Convenience is a biggie for me, I have to buy things wherever I am before, I completely forget WHY I came there in the first place!